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The Top Ten Things You Should Never Say or Do to a Stroke Patient

Written by stroke patient Joyce Hoffman.

People are funny, and I don't mean in a ha-ha sort of way. They could be neurotic, bi-polar, obsessive-compulsive, anxious, or agoraphobic, just to name a few types. Some of the ones who came to visit me had their own type: dysfunctional-when-meeting-a-stroke-patient.

Even though they had good intentions, in all fairness to me, some of them said and did things that were downright insulting, if I took the comments and body language personally. But I didn't ever, for those people who took the time and came to visit me. 

In all fairness to them, how could they know the right responses from the wrong. What it really comes down to is this: How do you speak to a stroke patient whose had her life turned around in a 180-degree spin? 

I made a list of the top ten things you should never say or do to a stroke patient, and I, too, have been guilty of most of them before having my stroke when I visited stroke patients. So having set the record straight, here goes. 

1. Saying good girl, good boy, good job

Those are phrases you should say to your pets when they are being rewarded with a "Pup-Peroni" or Doritos' chips. If you say them to me, I am not really being a good "anything." I'm just sayin'. IT'S SORT OF CONDESCENDING.

2. Talking loudly

People have a habit of speaking loudly to foreigners and the sick. Just because they are from somewhere else, speaking loudly to a foreigner will not help get your point across. There is no hearing problem involved. The same thing applies to me. HOW DOES SHOUTING HELP?

3. Talking slowly

Talking slowly to a foreigner might be an asset. But talking slowly to me makes me feel mentally disabled. How would YOU like it if someone said, "How -- are -- you -- feeling -- today?" If I could, (and I wasn't able to then), I would have talked quickly in response, possibly making them change their way of speaking. I REPEAT--HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT?

4. Making faces at me

Stroke patients are difficult to understand at times, but please don't squint, or turn your mouth to one side, or wrinkle your nose at me. Just ask me to repeat my statement, and if you still can't understand, ask the question in a different way. After all, you're the one with a full brain! SO USE IT!

5. Talking over me

I mostly listen, but when I get up the courage to speak, let me do it. Don't interrupt me in the middle. In other words, LET ME FINISH! 

6. Completing your sentence

Some people find the right word choice instantly, but it takes me a few seconds more. So please stop trying to fill in the blank. WAIT! I'LL GET IT!

7. Giving me lists of things to do

If you give me a list five or more things to do, I'll may miss one. My brain is going, but the parts that are dead...well, simple died and there's no hope of getting them back. Did you ever hear that heavy drinkers lose brain cells and the cells won't be replaced? Same thing. YOU HEAR THAT, HEAVY DRINKERS?

8. Ignoring me as if I'm invisible

Once in a while, at Rehab Y, I would see doctors on the outside. If I'm waiting at a new doctor's office, for example, staring right at some person who's in charge, the person invariably stares at my friend to find out what my friend wants, forcing me to shout and look like an idiot--which I am not. I shouted several times in person but even more on the phone. Some of the people just don't listen and say their "shpiel" regardless if I object. Covered in the previous post The First Phone Call, aka What Should We Do About Outsourcing?, "FOR CHRISTSAKE, I HAD A F***ING STROKE. GIMME A BREAK!" (Sorry to all in the PC crowd).    

9. Saying I'm not moving fast enough

Once in a while, people will say something to the effect, "Could I get by you?" and start moving before they even hear the answer. Their rhetorical question, because that's what it really is, a few times cost me my balance. WHY ARE PEOPLE IN SUCH A HURRY IN THE NURSING HOME?

10. Hanging up on me

A lot of operators hang up on me. They are nameless and they take advantage of that fact. But it doesn't help me. WHY WON'T THEY WAIT?

Joyce Hoffman had a stroke in April 2009. In August 2010 Joyce started a blog entitled: The Tales of A Stroke Patient using only her one hand to type, since her dominant right was paralysed from the stroke.

 

27 Nursing Quotes

Here are 27 quotes all about nursing and patient care that can help inspire you or maybe make you laugh and make your day a little brighter.

Caring is the essence of nursing.  ~Jean Watson

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. ~Dag Hammarskjold

When you're a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours.  ~Author Unknown

Nursing is an art: and if it is to be made an art, it requires an exclusive devotion as hard a preparation, as any painter's or sculptor's work; for what is the having to do with dead canvas or dead marble, compared with having to do with the living body, the temple of God's spirit? It is one of the Fine Arts: I had almost said, the finest of Fine Arts. ~ Florence Nightingale

Nursing encompasses an art, a humanistic orientation, a feeling for the value of the individual, and an intuitive sense of ethics, and of the appropriateness of action taken. ~ Myrtle Aydelotte

Nurses are angels in comfortable shoes.  ~Author Unknown

Nurses are the heart of healthcare.  ~Donna Wilk Cardillo

My experience as a school nurse taught me that we need to make a concerted effort, all of us, to increase physical fitness activity among our children and to encourage all Americans to adopt a healthier diet that includes fruits and vegetables, but there is more. ~Lois Capps

Nurses can take the pressure.  ~Author Unknown

Unless we are making progress in our nursing every year, every month, every week, take my word for it we are going back. ~ Florence Nightingale

We often think of nursing as giving meds on time, checking an X-ray to see if the doctor needs to be called, or taking an admission at 2:00 a.m. with a smile on our faces. Too often, we forget all the other things that make our job what it truly is: caring and having a desire to make a difference. ~ Erin Pettengill

Our job as nurses is to cushion the sorrow and celebrate the joy, every day, while we are "just doing our jobs.” ~Christine Belle

Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription.  ~Val Saintsbury

Bound by paperwork, short on hands, sleep, and energy... nurses are rarely short on caring.  ~Sharon Hudacek

Nurses are I.V. leaguers.  ~Author Unknown

When I think about all the patients and their loved ones that I have worked with over the years, I know most of them don't remember me nor I them.  But I do know that I gave a little piece of myself to each of them and they to me and those threads make up the beautiful tapestry in my mind that is my career in nursing.  ~Donna Wilk Cardillo

After two days in the hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.  ~W.C. Fields

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse.  ~Elizabeth Kenny

Nurses are patient people.  ~Author Unknown

Nurses - one of the few blessings of being ill.  ~Sara Moss-Wolfe

Nursing is not for everyone.  It takes a very strong, intelligent, and compassionate person to take on the ills of the world with passion and purpose and work to maintain the health and well-being of the planet.  No wonder we're exhausted at the end of the day!  ~Donna Wilk Cardillo

If love can't cure it, nurses can.  ~Author Unknown

Nurses don't wait until October to celebrate Make a Difference Day - they make a difference every day! ~Author Unknown

Nursing care comes in many forms.  Sometimes it is the ability to make someone feel physically comfortable by various means.  Other times it is the ability to improve the body's ability to achieve or maintain health.  But often it is an uncanny yet well honed knack to see beyond the obvious and address, in some way, the deeper needs of the human soul.  ~Donna Wilk Cardillo

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital.  ~Carrie Latet

We'd all be worse without a nurse.  ~Author Unknown

During my second year of nursing school our professor gave us a quiz.  I breezed through the questions until I read the last one:  "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"  Surely this was a joke.  I had seen the cleaning woman several times, but how would I know her name?  I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.  Before the class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our grade.  "Absolutely," the professor said.  "In your careers, you will meet many people.  All are significant.  They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say hello."  I've never forgotten that lesson.  I also learned her name was Dorothy.  ~Joann C. Jones

What's Your Interview Approach?

It is now time for the interview and you need to get your interview approach right. By preparing carefully and well in advance, all details are taken care of in an organised manner

So you have prepared for all kinds of commonly asked questions, practiced your answers, got your industry and company information ready, your questions ready, you are dressed out well for the interview and now here it is – the big hour.

You are nervous. Despite all your preparation the interviewer could ask you the one thing that you might not have prepared for or the one thing that you might forget. You conjure up images of all that could go wrong, you are sweaty in the palms and nervous as you anticipate the interviewers tearing you apart. What if they find someone else before your turn comes? How come everyone else looks more relaxed and knowledgeable? What if you cannot answer a single question?

Here is where your interview approach comes in. Relax. Close your eyes and take a deep breath into your abdomen. Feel your abdomen rise and fall. Do it a couple of times until you feel your nerves steadying a bit. The first thing you need to do as you approach the interview is to relax.

Remember that you have prepared as hard as you could. There is nothing you can do now except put your best foot forward. Enjoy the scenery, read a book or a magazine. Stop looking at everyone else around wondering if you should be cramming for some more information.

Think of the nice times. Think of your victories. Of all your achievements. Your accomplishments. The moments that made you feel good about yourself. Feel your inner confidence boost you up.

Think positive thoughts. Stop all negative thoughts about what might happen if they ask tough questions etc. Think positively and fill your head with positive thoughts of how you would be a success at the interview, at the job and at your career.

Visualize an easy and successful interview. Visualize yourself answering questions with ease. Visualize a friendly and amicable interviewer or a panel. It helps to alleviate your mood and in turn will make a favorable impression on the interviewers.

Think of the interview as an animated conversation. Stop thinking of the interview as a stress filled interrogation and more in terms of an animated conversation you will be having with people in the same area of business. That will alter your approach from being defensive to being participative and show qualities of team work and receptivity in you.

Think of your strengths. Focus on your strengths. Forget about the weaknesses. There is not much you can do about them. If you have to think of your weaknesses, think of them as strengths turned inside out and word them accordingly instead of flaying yourself with them. Use them to your advantage.

Be punctual. Be early at the venue because that helps in acclimatizing to the environment and in learning or clarifying any bits of information that you may need to before your interview.

Try to use everything to your advantage. Remain courteous, unruffled, energetic and enthusiastic. This is an opportunity to show them the best side that you have, the side that will come out when there are challenges on the job. There is no point hiding your energy and enthusiasm for later. Put it up there during the interview. Be the best you can.

Now. Are you feeling better?

Yulin Peng is a recruiting researcher and the owner of http://www.job- employment-guide.com. Please visit his site for more free employment tips. Article source: www.impactfactory.com.

Say Thank You to Compliments

One of the best types of listening to do is listening to feedback - and being able to respond appropriately.

Even positive feedback can make some people squirm. Some people just don't know how to take a compliment.

Even if you don't think that your presentation, for example, didn't go very well, if someone compliments you on your work, instead of saying "Oh no, it was awful", just smile and say thank you. If you can't accept compliments eventually people will stop giving them.

Money Matters

Are your finances are getting you down? Yes? Then start by thinking about what you want to achieve – perhaps to be debt free? To save money each month? Or maybe to regularly pay into a pension?

 

You need to be in control of your finances before you can start setting goals. Consider any immediate challenges/blocks that stop you taking control and look for ways of breaking them down. For example do you spend beyond your means?

If so, look for ways of reducing your spending. Keep a note of everything you spend in a month – including magazines, wine, snacks etc and look at ways you can cut down. Look at what you have coming in and what you have going out. Make two lists: - one for necessary expenditure such as mortgage/rent, utility bills, food etc, and one for non-crucial expenditure such as clothes, smoking, drinking, entertainment etc.

Be really honest with yourself about how crucial some things are because if you are looking at ways of decreasing your outgoings you have to establish which are the really necessary ones. If you get all your necessary expenditure down on one list you can then work out your disposable income and where to spend it.

Owe money? Paying too high an interest rate? Change accounts or consolidate your loans into one that charges a lower interest rate. Some cards offer the incentive of 0% interest for 6 months if you transfer to them. Store cards often charge a massive 28% and are best avoided. Look at ways of paying off all your balances using a low interest loan that you can pay off each month – then chop up those cards. There’s no point thinking about saving until you have got rid of high interest credit cards etc.

 

Set yourself targets

· To stay within budget

· Use online banking as this means you can keep more up to date with your current balance. Most banks offer online banking now.

· Use debit cards instead of cheques as the money goes out of your account straight away and is easier to keep track of.

· After you have paid off you credit cards open a savings account and put an amount in each month by direct debit.

Look for ways of saving money, however small. Did you know that you could claim tax relief for cleaning your uniforms? If your employer does not look after the cleaning arrangements for your uniform or provide free laundry facilities for you to use, you can get tax relief on any costs of cleaning your own uniform that you have to meet out of your own pocket. You can claim relief for the current year and earlier tax years. Contact your local tax office for information (your employer can tell you the address if you do not know it) or alternatively obtain a form from the Royal College of Nursing.

 

If you pay a subscription or fee to ‘professional bodies or learned societies’ such as the Royal College of Nursing or Nursing Standard these are allowable for tax relief under section 201 of the income and Corporation Taxes Act (1988). The Inland Revenue publishes a booklet listing all qualifying organisations. Again contact your local tax office or the RCN. If you are a student member or a non-tax-payer you are not entitled to tax relief. Claims can be backdated for up to six years. Every bit helps.

If your finances are really out of control, don’t ignore them - get help. Talk to your bank manager, a financial advisor or even the citizen’s advice bureau. If you do nothing you will just get deeper into trouble. Beware if you do take out a single loan to pay off other debts – don’t make the mistake of taking out a bigger loan than you need. The real danger with this solution to debt is the fact that it is usually a secured loan (usually against a property) being used to pay off unsecured loans. If you don’t keep up with the repayments you could lose your home.

 

Anyone familiar with daytime TV will have seen ad breaks saturated by loan consolidation and debt management companies touting for business boasting that they can transform multiple debts into ‘one manageable monthly repayment’. However many people lured by the promise of getting their debt under control find they have had misleading advice and end up paying excessive charges. Many find themselves in an even worse financial mess than they were in before. However, what many people don’t realise is that these paid for services are in competition with the Consumer Credit Counselling Service (CCCS) and it’s younger cousin Payplan, which provide their services completely free of charge.

 

Finally look for ways of earning more money – even if it’s just a couple of hours overtime each week – the money soon adds up. Negotiate a wage rise at work – a higher grade or increment – the worst thing your boss can say is no. Most importantly if you can’t sort out your problems yourself don’t ignore those envelopes as they land on your mat – seek help – it could be easier than you think.

Useful addresses:

Consumer Credit Counselling Service,

Wade House,

Merrion Centre,

Leeds

LS2 8NGwww.cccs.co.uk                                                                                                                                    

Email: info@cccs.co.uk

 

Payplan,

Kempton House,

 Grantham

Dysart Road

NG31 7LE

www.payplan.com

Email:  help@payplan.com

Go the extra Mile...

Your job is what you make of it.  If you spend all the time you are at work just watching the clock waiting for home time, then your job will feel like a prison sentence. Try and approach your job with enthusiasm. Be proactive. Ask for extra responsibility if you feel you can cope with it. Start a newsletter, make some patient information leaflets, do something. Iniatiative will be rewarded, and you will advance faster in your career than someone who always sits back and waits to be asked. Having a positive attitude about your career will have a good effect on your working relationships too, as well as your stress levels, overall health and spirit.

Do Something for Your Career Every Day...

Aim for just 10 minutes a day. You might just read a piece of research, write down some of your accomplishments – however small - or update your CV. Keep your interviewing and public speaking skills fresh, search for jobs in your field – apply for a job if you find one that is suitable. Doing something every day helps keep you on track to achieving your goals.

Out of the frying pan into the…?

If you are reviewing your career then maybe you are thinking about leaving your current job.

This could be because you are dissatisfied with it, or because you feel that the time is right for you to progress in your career.

Take the time to reflect on whether you really do want to leave. Consider whether there is there some other aspect of your life that you are unhappy with which is causing you to feel fed up in general.

Ask yourself a few questions about why you are thinking about leaving:

• what do you dislike the most about your current job? Are you bored, stressed, disliking the environment, or perhaps not getting on very well with colleagues?

• consider how these feelings affect you specifically.

• What would you like to do less of in your job?

• what would you like to do more of?

• have you felt like this before? Do these problems form a repeat pattern in your career?

• If you do leave, what will you be looking for in your next job or way of life, and will you find it?

Consider the following:

• your current job may offer regular income, job security, and familiarity but will your new job offer the same?

• what would you lose if you left?

• what worries you most about leaving your current job?

• have you been here before? Have you thought about leaving before but changed your mind?

If you can, talk over your responses with a trusted mentor or friend. Are other people influencing your decision making – perhaps your partner at home is afraid of you losing your job security?

Thinking about what makes you tick and the real reasons why you want to leave your current position will make you less likely to make a mistake and more able to work out ways of improving your feelings about the job you do now.

The current climate in the NHS means that you need to consider even more seriously about changing jobs. If there was a threat of redundancy would the new workplace have a last in first out policy? Are a lot of your problems caused by the fact that your workplace is short-staffed and would the new workplace be any different?

Giving Presentations

Many courses and job interviews now often require nurses to give presentations to demonstrate research or knowledge of a specific subject. For many this is an ordeal to be endured rather than enjoyed. It is easy to get overanxious at the prospect of standing up to speak in front of an audience even if it is people you know.

However the biggest block to giving a successful presentation is attitude. If you think that you can’t, and that you never will be able to, then you won’t. Giving effective presentations is something that anyone can learn to do. You can learn by going on courses or reading books, but there is no substitute for getting out there and actually doing it. If you dislike speaking in public then try and take every opportunity to do it – by speaking up in meetings, giving presentations to colleagues etc. Be positive and accept setbacks as being part of the learning process.

 

Here are some guidelines to help your presentation go well: -

 

· Know how long you are expected to speak for. If it is a short presentation lasting only fifteen minutes then you are not going to have time to make more than two or three main points. Don’t make the mistake of anxiously preparing a lot more material. You will end up having to present it so fast that your audience won’t be able to keep up and will switch off.

 

· Make sure that your presentation has a definite structure or format.

· Keep it simple – begin with a brief summary of the topic and explain why it is of interest.

· If it is research that you have done yourself explain what you were trying to find out and why before explaining what you actually did and found.

· Use diagrams and examples to illustrate the main points that you are making.

· If using an overhead projector or flip chart just write out a set of headings and bullet points. Don’t make the mistake of trying to write out everything you are going to say. Use the bullet points as a prompt and talk your way through each of the different points.

· Speak clearly and try to make eye contact with one or two people in the audience.

·Use simple words and keep sentences brief.

· Avoid ums and errs and other verbal punctuation like ‘sort of,’ ‘like,’ ‘right,’ or ‘OK’ etc.

· If you are likely to be asked questions try to guess what you might be asked and prepare your answers in advance. If you are asked a question to which you do not know the answer then say so honestly. Offer to find out the information and ask the questioner for contact details.

Remember that all aspects of your appearance come under scrutiny during your presentation including posture, body language, and use of voice and facial expressions. Whatever you say and show it will be you, yourself who will remain as the focus of the audiences attention. Dress smartly, but in clothes that you are comfortable in.

Don’t try to pretend that you are someone you are not. If you are usually the quiet serious type don’t try to give a humorous presentation – you will probably come across as false and will not gain the trust of your audience. Try instead to project an image of calm and respect for others. However if you are naturally extrovert and outrageous you may be able to get away with using humour and shock tactics.

Prior to your presentation there is no substitute for rehearsal. You can practice in front of a mirror or perhaps a willing friend. You should run through your speech at least three times, making improvements as you go.

Try not to have sheets of paper from which you read out your whole speech – this can lead to a very uninspiring performance. If you need to support your talks with notes (you can’t manage just using the points on the transparencies as prompts) then use small cards which can be held unobtrusively.

The opening of your talk is important, not only because it is the first thing that you say, but also because it establishes your subject and your rapport with the audience. It will also help build your confidence so rehearse it a few extra times. The ending on the other hand, is the last impression that you make, so try and make it memorable. This is the time to remind them of what you meant them to hear in the middle.

Finally remember that the keywords for effective presentations are practise and preparation. To conquer the art of giving successful presentations you have to practise. Force yourself onto the platform to gain experience and confidence – but always, always make the time and effort for the preparation.

Once you have succeeded in giving effective presentations you will find that your views are more often heard and your opinion more often sought. This is simply because you are known as an effective communicator – and you never know – you may even enjoy it!

Recommended Reading:

The Presentation Coach: Bare Knuckle Brilliance For Every Presenter

The Presentation Secrets of Steve Jobs: How to Be Insanely Great in Front of Any Audience